SALTLANTIC™ Surf Co. “Don’t Harsh My Mellow” Tee

This tee is not clothing. It is a public service announcement for anyone who dares approach you while you are operating at 3% brain capacity and 97% sunshine.

The front left chest has a tiny SALTLANTIC™ logo — a polite little “hello” from a brand that knows you’re one loud noise away from dissolving into a fine mist.

But the back? The back is a full‑scale emotional barricade. A massive “DON’T HARSH MY MELLOW” detonates across your spine like a mellow‑protection spell cast by a beach wizard who hasn’t slept since the Reagan administration.

Wearing this tee transforms you into a creature powered entirely by:

• lukewarm ocean water

• faint breezes

• and the distant sound of someone dropping a surfboard

Your mellow becomes so fragile that if someone even THINKS about asking you to do something productive, your soul will eject from your body like a startled hermit crab.

This tee is ideal for:

• People who require a 12‑foot radius of emotional quiet

• Individuals who have achieved “sentient sea cucumber” levels of calm

• Anyone who has ever whispered “please don’t ruin this for me” to a cloud

• Folks who treat mellow like a federally protected habitat

The back graphic doesn’t just send a message — it threatens the universe with consequences. It says, “If you disturb my peace, I will simply stop participating in reality.”

Possible side effects:

• Becoming too relaxed to maintain bone structure

• Forgetting your own name but remembering the tide schedule

• Spontaneous horizontalness

• Attracting dolphins for no reason